Why I don’t want another baby

If I had to think of all the joy my children bring me, and not think of much else, my initial response to the question ‘would you like to have another baby’ would be ‘YES’.

I always knew I wanted to be a mum.  My kids make my world go round in never-ending circles. I love them to death.

Watching them grow up is heart-wrenching and fascinating at the same time.

Each time I give away yet another bagful of my children’s clothes, my heart aches just a little bit.  The day I packed up the first lot of Nina’s newborn clothes I sobbed my heart out, alone in her nursery.  I remember clutching her little pink babygro to my face, and taking in the sweet baby smell until I was certain I would remember it forever.  I couldn’t fathom that this was the last baby I would be mothering.  It was all too bittersweet.

Despite all this, I still have no desire to have a third child.  Here is why:

1. 1. There just isn’t enough time

      Time management can be a challenge.  I can manage to give both my kids the attention they deserve (along with being a working mum, a blogger, a writer, a wife, a homemaker, and an individual).  Thinking I can manage with another kid in the mix is not only unrealistic, but unfair.  Something would have to give.  I wouldn’t dream about giving my kids less attention, neither would I do that to my husband.  Would I give up my job, or blogging or writing?  No.  Which takes me to point number 2.

   2. I’m too selfish

      Being selfish ain’t always a bad thing.  My job, blogging and writing bring me joy.  As do all the other things I love to indulge in.  What’s so wrong about teaching my kids to love themselves?  Doesn’t having a happy mum equate to an overall happier childhood?
      Another baby is sure to induce overwhelm.  I don’t want to be stressed beyond belief.  I’m used to (and love) my routine of home – work – kids – home stuff – bedtime – quiet and clean house by 8:30pm – me time.
      Call me selfish, and I’ll say yes please.

   3. The sleep deprivation

      Both Nina and Yanik were not too bad in the sleep department.  They both started sleeping through the night at about 3 months old and, bar the random phases of sleep issues, were perfectly capable of sleeping on their own from a few months of age.
      But, those first 3 months are so darn difficult that I used to wonder if it was really possible I would EVER sleep an uninterrupted 8 hours again.  These nights still haunt me.

   4. Lugging around a car-full of stuff

      Pushchairs, nappy bags, spare outfits, dummies, bottles, milk, food, toys…shoot me now.  I’ve just about got used to carrying around my (much-missed!) handbags.  All I need to carry is a few snacks, some water and a packet of wipes.  Bliss!

   5. One kid can stay home

      There was a time when a quick visit to grocery store meant I had to drag two kids along.  To be very clear, one was happy to be buckled up, and the other complained at a 100 words a second.  Now that Yanik is almost 13, we don’t need to unwillingly drag him to a series of errands, and,  that means we have enough booth space for all the shopping too.  Amen.

   6. I can take a shower in peace

      Yes!  Having a teen in the house is like having a live-in au pair.  Ha!  If only!  I’m being a little bit too optimistic, however, knowing that I can trust Yanik to watch his sister whilst I have a quick shower is pure heaven.  I haven’t ventured into the ‘going out for a quick errand’ department yet – but it’s not to far off!

   7. We want to travel.  Far and long.

      I’ve been daydreaming about the day I take my kids to Asia, Africa and the US before I even had my kids!  Now that Nina is almost 4, we’ve started planning.  She is just about the right age for the more adventurous kind of trips.
      There was a time (not so long ago), that the things we had to take with us on holiday outnumbered us!  I remember us, quite recently, going on a week-long trip to Italy.  4 luggages, 4 hand luggages, a baby bag, 1 pushchair, 1 carseat.  An impatient one year old.  And a bored-out-of-his mind 9 year old.  Sound like fun?  Not.

   8. It’s time to get lovey-dovey

      Neil and I have always tried our best to keep up the occasional date night, and the twice yearly 2 day trip to Gozo (sans kids of course).  We’re now much excited to start planning a few days a year out of the country, just the two of us.  The more independent our kids get, the more time we have to reconnect.  And that’s always a good thing.

   9. Our family is complete

      I feel extremely lucky to have been gifted with a boy and a girl.  When I was pregnant with my second, I wanted a girl so bad.  Yet this was something I never admitted, not even to myself.  I could not cope with the guilt feelings I knew I would endure if it was a boy, as I know I would have felt like I had betrayed him.
      We waited until 2 different doctors on 3 different visits assured us it was a girl before we celebrated.  Saying we were overjoyed is an understatement.
      Yanik & Nina.  The best of both worlds.

On occasions, I do get teary-eyed about having closed this chapter in our life.  Especially when I browse through old photos and videos of our children.  Then I remember how great it is to be able to do more of what we want, with our children (and sometimes not!), and I’m not half as sad as I started out to be!