Mamas, I feel you. I know that just thinking about your child having to do without their dummy gives you extreme anxiety. The same goes for any other comfort, such as the bottle or the blanky. Christmas time is the perfect time to do it.
I kept stretching and stretching the dreaded day. One morning my husband took Nina to a swimming lesson and forgot the damned dummy at home. Yes, the dummy of all things. He had to come back home. Nina was wailing so hard she was blue in the face and gasping for breath in between desperate screams for her ‘yaya’.
That was it. I had to put my foot down. Nina was 33 months old at that point, and 2 months away from starting kindergarten school. I knew that the dummy business had to be taken care of before she started a new school, because I would never introduce two major changes at the same time if I could help it.
The talk
‘Nina, did you know that Father Christmas leaves a nice gift for good children?’
*nods*
‘He leaves a baby gift for little children who still take their dummy, and a nice big gift for older children who do not take their ‘yaya”
Nina looks at me with a disapproving look.
‘I know what we should do. Let’s write Santa a letter to tell him you’ve been a good girl and ask for the gift you would like. We will leave your ‘yaya’ under the tree together with the letter, a glass of milk, some cookies and a carrot for the reindeer. Santa will take the ‘yaya’ and then he will bring back a really nice grown up gift for you!’
Nina dramatically shouts ‘That’s it – no more ‘yaya’!’ and throws her dummy over her shoulder adamantly.
I’m not impressed. She’s done this countless times and always wails to have it back.
Nina’s last few days with her dummy!
The plan
I decide to leave the dummy and goodies under the Christmas tree and set this up on a Sunday morning. This would give Nina plenty of time to digest that she would be going to bed without her dummy.
Before I launch my plan to action, I have a little heart to heart with my daughter.
I am brutally honest and tell her that it will not be easy, but mama is here for her. I tell her that she will miss her dummy, but it will get better every day. Grown-up girls do not have dummies and now it’s time for her dummy to go. I explain that when she needs her dummy she will get extra hugs, and gave her a teddy bear who we called ‘yaya’, who will be there when her dummy is not.’
‘Little girls need dummies for comfort, and her teddy and mama and daddy will give you lots of that.’
Nina seems to understand and nods gravely.
The execution
Sunday morning. Nina and I prepare the letter and we put everything under the tree. I take Nina into her bedroom to get her dressed and Neil (my husband) empties the glass of milk and plate of cookies and the removes the carrot.
When I spot the empty glass of milk and the crumbs on the plate under the tree, I shout excitedly: ‘Nina, Father Christmas has already come!’ Nina runs in excitedly and jumps up and down, thrilled. Her eyes are wide and twinkling. Neil runs in and high fives Nina and Yanik joins in. We make a huge deal out of it and give Nina a little gift for being so brave.
Day 1
Off we go to nanna’s house. Nina is well-pleased to be without her dummy and beams at everyone, proudly announcing that she is not using her dummy anymore. Everyone has been asked to ooh and aah, and Nina is rewarded with a lot of well done’s, compliments, and extra affection.
The day goes smoothly, but when the bedtime is approaching I start getting agitated.
It was heart-wrenching to hear Nina cry, and a good thing Neil is able to hold on to his word as I don’t know what I would have done if it was me putting her to sleep. He held her, sang to her, and held her hand. The crying was extremely bad, but it only lasted for 20 or 25 minutes, which was not too bad in my books.
Apparently (I was in a deep sleep and did not hear anything at all – strange – and thank God for that!), Nina woke up once during the night. According to Neil, she cried so bad and was so angry at him; he claimed he had never ever seen our daughter like this. Surprisingly to him, Nina woke up her usual happy self.
Day 2
She was fine all throughout the day. That night, she only just asked for her dummy once or twice and although she took a while longer to sleep she didn’t cry. Success! We were overjoyed! It was too good to be true!
Day 3+
I still mentioned the dummy every day to Nina for the first few weeks. Her dependence on it was a reality and trying to escape it would only make things harder. I told her I was proud of her on a daily basis, and we chuckled between us when we saw a girl her age with a dummy on TV.
I do think that Christmas time is the best time for children to give up their comfort habit because the hard part can be tied in with Santa’s gift. Nina’s is still coming and I can’t wait to see her face on Christmas morning when she opens it!
To all the mamas doing the same thing this Christmas – good luck!
Nakita xxx
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